Ask 10 people what professionalism means and you’ll get ten different answers. While some will correctly define professionalism as dress and word patterns, professionalism is much more than that. In a nutshell, it’s how your patients, co-workers, and employer see you.
Test Your Professionalism: True or False
Here’s a quick test to gauge your professionalism:
T__ F__ You find yourself shifting gears constantly based on the mood of others.
T__ F__ There are conversations that you play over and over again in your head because you feel you disappointed someone.
T__ F__ You will route work to someone else in order to preserve the peace with a certain co-worker.
T__ F__ You work with people who drag their feet when learning new procedures. (They will express their displeasure every time they have an opportunity.)
If you answered true to two or more, you may be suffering from taking criticism personally.
Give the benefit of the doubt. If you have a habit of taking things personally, it means that you’re apt to assume someone is directing some form of aggression toward you specifically, when they might be just joking around, or having a bad day. It might be your instinct to react, or curl up into a ball emotionally, but pause for a second. Maybe it’s not about you.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Refocus your attention. When you take things personally, you shift your attention from what they said or did to how you feel. Unless you move on from that point, it’s likely that you'll ruminate, and the negative feeling will be amplified. Instead, focus again on the other person.
Look at how the person treats others. They might tease, pick on, or even insult everyone they encounter.
Consider their insecurities. Could they feel threatened by you in some way? If so, don’t feel bad for being your awesome self. Think about how you can help this person feel better.
Keep in mind that the other person probably has poor communication and emotional management skills. Imagine that there’s an inner child acting out, because the person hasn’t learned how to deal with things in a mature way. It’s much easier to listen and overlook a perceived insult when you visualize an individual who does not have (and may be incapable of acquiring) the same level of communication success that you enjoy.
You Don’t Need Anyone’s Approval
Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone’s approval. If you’re especially sensitive to people’s behavior toward you, to the extent that you regularly overreact, it might be because you’ve got strong radar for rejection. If you pick up on any kind of displeasure, you worry that you’re doing something wrong, and you want to fix it eagerly, anxiously. But just because someone isn’t happy with you doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. In many cases, it means that person is simply not happy, and expects you to fill in the blank (which is impossible).
In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
Speak up. Let the person know that they’re being harsh. Again, focus on them, not you. You’re doing them a favor by letting them know how their words and actions come off from the outside. They might not realize how hurtful or aggressive they seem, and if they do, they need to know that they can’t just plug in their negativity without it being noticed. Here are a few ways to approach this:
Raise your eyebrows and say “Ouch!” or “Whoa! That’s a bit a harsh!”
When a person snaps at you, turn to them and genuinely ask them “Are you okay?” or “Is something wrong?”
If this is recurring, change something. Doing the same thing will produce the same results. Resolve any underlying issues and move on.
Don’t Allow Others to Decide How You Feel
Stop taking compliments personally, too. If you base your self-worth on how much people compliment and validate you, then you’re basically allowing others to decide how you feel about yourself. If someone compliments you, it’s no more personal than a direct insult. They’re simply calling it how they see it, and that may or may not be accurate. Only you can be the judge of that. So if someone is positive toward you, that doesn’t make you a better person, it makes them a better person, because they’re taking the time to be supportive and encouraging. Your value, your self-worth remains unchanged, because it’s something that comes from within.
In Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements, he describes taking things personally as the “ultimate act of selfishness.” Huh? Well, when you take things personally, you assume everything is about you. It’s not. Again, what people say has so much more to do with them than it does about you.
Dr. Wayne Dyer also weighs in on the idea of taking things personally in his book, The Power of Intention. Dyer says that when you allow the opinions of others to be more important than your opinions of yourself, you lose self-respect. Why would you put your opinions of yourself below those of another person? Rather, you deserve to believe that you are valuable and worthy.
Don’t stop taking things personally to the extent that you absolve yourself of any personal responsibility. If someone’s acting out toward you, it is possible that you did something wrong, but it doesn't automatically mean you did something wrong. You still need to evaluate your role in the situation.
Donna Suter is president/senior consultant of Suter Consulting Group in Ringgold, GA. Contact feedback@visioncareventure.com with comments and/or suggestions for future topics.
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